When choosing guardians for your children, your instinct may lead you to select your parents or a close friend. However, the process requires more thought and planning than simply naming someone you trust. While the person you choose may seem perfect, it’s important to consider key factors so your children are cared for as you envision. It’s always a good idea to select alternate guardians if your initial choice is not in a position to care for your child. Having backup options in place provides peace of mind. Beyond trust, what qualities do you want in a guardian? You might initially consider a married couple, as it seems like a stable arrangement, but what if they split up or experience major life changes? Which individual in the couple would raise your child in the event of a divorce? Do they have their own children, and if so, will your child fit in with their family dynamic?
You may be inclined to choose your parents as guardians. Still, it’s important to realistically assess whether they will be physically capable of meeting the demands of raising a child. Are they able to keep up with the energy of a toddler or handle the emotional challenges that come with raising a teenager? If not, consider appointing someone with the physical stamina and emotional resilience required for parenting. Not every guardian needs to care for your child from infancy to adulthood. You may choose to appoint a guardian for a specific period—perhaps until your child turns 13 or another milestone before adulthood. At that point, you could designate a different guardian to provide stability as your child grows and develops. Where your potential guardian lives is another important factor. If they live far away, such as in another city or state, a significant move may be required that could disrupt your child’s life. Consider how a move might affect your child’s schooling, friendships, and stability.
It’s crucial that your child is raised in an environment that aligns with your values, whether it’s religious beliefs, moral principles, or cultural traditions. Selecting a guardian who shares these values allows your child to grow up with the core beliefs that matter most to you. A potential guardian’s financial stability and their relationship with your family are key factors in your decision. Does the person own a home or have a stable job? How does this individual get along with your relatives? Also, consider if you want your child’s guardian to control your child’s finances. You may designate someone else to manage the money if the guardian isn’t financially responsible. This could be a financial advisor or a trust company. At the same time, another person takes on the day-to-day caregiving.
Consider the major decisions a guardian must make, such as healthcare and education choices. Are there particular schools you’d like your child to attend or specific health considerations you want to be addressed? Make sure to communicate these preferences clearly. For example, you could discuss the importance of a certain school’s academic program or the need for regular medical check-ups. Along with any other aspects of your child’s life, you want the guardian to manage, such as extracurricular activities like dance or tennis. Your child’s well-being is your top priority, and this can be an emotionally challenging decision. It’s important to plan for the long term and have a contingency plan in place. Consider naming three or four guardians so your children will always be cared for, regardless of the situation.
In addition to choosing the right person, you may have strong feelings about who you don’t want to raise your children. Whether it’s a former spouse or a family member, document any restrictions in your will or guardianship documents. This can help avoid family conflict and increase the likelihood that your wishes are respected. Don’t choose a guardian out of obligation or to appease others. The decision should be based solely on your child’s best interests. If someone pressures you to name them as the guardian, it’s okay to say no. Your primary concern should be the well-being and stability of your child, not family dynamics or expectations. Before finalizing your decision, discuss the role with your chosen guardian. They must be willing and prepared to take on this responsibility. Afterward, consult an attorney so your guardianship wishes are legally documented, and your plans are properly executed.
Choosing a guardian is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make as a parent. It requires careful thought, thorough planning, and, sometimes, difficult conversations. By considering all aspects of the role, from values and health to finances and family dynamics, you can take comfort in knowing your children will be raised as you’ve envisioned—loved, supported, and cared for no matter what happens.
From the desk of Certified Paralegal Terrie O’Donnell to attorney Brandon McGee
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